There's a special significance to the words herein used, which I will request Joey to explain (identify!) in the comments below. The idea for this speech came from another wedding party member, John, but he felt he lacked the required knowledge to pull it off. I thought his idea was too good to go to waste, and thus started writing this:
I have been accused with putting people to sleep with far too many stories, so I'll keep this brief. Strange is not a sufficient adjective to describe the experience of being here. When I met Joey in high school, I did not expect to one be a groomsman at his wedding. He was just another guy in one of my classes, until one day I sat at the cafeteria table next to him because I knew John. The fact that I am here now is simply yet another example of how our actions have random results.
We became stronger friends with time. I found him to be a man with strong ethics, and I believe that it is by how one follows a code of honor that we are able to determine the measure of a man. I consider him and others present here to be my brothers. But as great as our time together was before you met Erica, it seems in retrospect that you lived only half a life back then, Joey. Missing was the inner light that is now apparent within you whenever you are together. Now you stand ready to begin a new family. My recommendation to you is to proceed full speed ahead, as I see nothing but happiness in your path.
That said, there is one very important problem that must be addressed. I'm not going to tap-dance around the issue, they don't do a lot of tap-dancing at weddings. The truth is that although you have found the perfect mate, unfortunately I've been less than successful. I know the first duty of a groomsman at a time like this is to feel happy for his friend. Well, I protest. I am not a merry man. We look for things such as love in this world, but not all of us find it. Where is the justice? Now that I think of it...Joey, you may experience the emptiness with me, if you wish. Hear me out: we will start with the assumption that I am not crazy. If I am, it won't matter one way or the other. They tell me marriage is a form of symbiosis. That's true in theory, but I think of it more as a conspiracy. To the rest of us, those lonely among us, your marriage and everyone else's serves as a reminder of time's arrow, a reminder we are getting older by the minute. To me, that's a disaster. All a matter of perspective, I suppose. Are you sure you want to go through with this? Think of it, we could all go back to a life of hollow pursuits!
No, on second thought, upon due consideration of the problem and careful examination of all possible options, my original recommendation stands. You've made your choices, sir, and they've been good ones. From the very beginning there were clues that your destiny and that of Erica's were attached. Your unification, part I, happened long ago, this marriage is merely unification, part II. The friendship we shared will never be the same again now that you take on the life of a married man, and that's ok, because all relationships are constantly changing. But we'll still be friends, maybe better friends. In fact, no one here can deny that Erica has found herself a dear place in our group of friends. It seems that you can have your marriage, and we can all strengthen our friendship as well. Truly, the best of both worlds.